Down Jump Blues.

[Rover]

I just saw that my short story Down Jump Blues was published in the August 2012 issue of Freelance Traveller. http://www.freelancetraveller.com/magazine/FT032-201208-ANSI-A.pdf

My story starts on page 10. I sure would like some feedback on it if any of you have read it and would care to comment. It would be appriciated.

Thanks,
R

 

[Spinward Scout]

I liked it! I would have gone with more futuristic names, but those would work great near any Solomani sphere of influence.

 

[Rover]

I liked it! I would have gone with more futuristic names, but those would work great near any Solomani sphere of influence.

Scout,
Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I am glad you liked it. It was based on a T20 scenario I ran at a local gaming convention about 5 or 6 years back. I came across my notes recently and said to myself, "Self, that would make a good short story." So I wrote it.

R

 

[Orr]

I liked it. It had little wasted text, had a definite plot arc, and a good ending.

It also had jarring bits of exposition, i.e. 500dTon this, 800dTon that, dual fusion gun turrets, etc. plus far too topical names and slang.

I hope you write more.

 

[Rover]

I liked it. It had little wasted text, had a definite plot arc, and a good ending.

It also had jarring bits of exposition, i.e. 500dTon this, 800dTon that, dual fusion gun turrets, etc. plus far too topical names and slang.

I hope you write more.

thanks, I put those terms in as a specific refference to traveller. I wanted to have a traveller feel to it.

I've got more stuff in the works. R/N I'm working on a superhero story, but it is turning into novel length.

R

 

[Timerover51]

That was one that looks interesting to start with and I thought was pretty good. You held my interest even though I could sort of forecast what was going to happen once the characters hit the locked bridge door. Good story. I suspect that you make a pretty good Gamemaster.

 

[Rover]

That was one that looks interesting to start with and I thought was pretty good. You held my interest even though I could sort of forecast what was going to happen once the characters hit the locked bridge door. Good story. I suspect that you make a pretty good Gamemaster.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I am glad you enjoyed it. I'd like to think I'm a good GM, but sadly I haven't ran a game in years. My last campaign fall apart because of player conflict.

 

[Rover]

I published my short story Down Jump Blues as a free ebook on Smashwords.

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/248467

I have edited it since it was published in Freelance Traveller. I would be thrilled if anyone would be interested in downloading it and posting a review.

Thanks,
Jim

Description:
Sully O'Quinn and the team from DL Security find themselves in a race to find a killer and recover a stolen fortune. It started as a simple protection job to escort a shipping executive to a clandestine meeting. But Sully and his team are set up to take the fall for a daring heist and murder committed in the middle of hyperspace. Was the killer still on board, or has one of his team double crossed him? A fleet of pirate ships is waiting at the down jump location and are expecting a big payday. The team won't live long if they can't come up with the money.

 

[Gray Pennell]

Rover

I read the story I think I would agree Orr. Not so much because its Traveller but because the technical details could be put into dialog. I guess I would say be less technical more descriptive about descriptions.

 

[Rover]

Rover

I read the story I think I would agree Orr. Not so much because its Traveller but because the technical details could be put into dialog. I guess I would say be less technical more descriptive about descriptions.

Thanks for the feedback. I was unure of how a conversation between two guys who knew what an accelerator rifle is would sound or tell the uninitiated reader. In the end I kept most of it the same and filed off some of the direct traveller terms like vacc suite dTon.

I'm working on a much longer piece now, but it is supers, not Traveller. After that bug has been delt with I think I may revisit the crew from DL security.

R