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sea stories


SOC-14 5K
over in the fleet / starship accident data we're getting a lot of sea stories, and it seems fitting that there should be a topic for these.

one of the guys in my division was called jungle bob. he was a survivalist and was deadly serious about it. he never left the ship except to get drunk once a month, and constantly offered to take everyones' in-port watch in exchange for money, saving every dime for "smallville" his planned survival fortress. barbed wire, mines, boobytraps - it was going to have it all. one late night down in DCC the conversation turned to females. jungle bob was on load dispatcher (as usual) saying little (as usual). someone asked him what kind of girl he'd like to have with him in smallville. he thought about it then answered in his slow drawl, "well, if she can make it through the mindfield, she's my girl."

we pulled out, took muster, all hands present. a few days later we took muster again, and one division found it was missing one guy. search ensues. soon the entire ship is involved. every division is directed to search every compartment on the ship, and we do, twice, over two days. guy must have fallen overboard. the captain calls up the guy's mother to tell her the terrible news that he has lost her son. she says, "no you didn't, he's right here." shore patrol arrives in record time. meanwhile the chief and division officer take tea with the captain, conversation topic: reliability and trustworthiness.
Bit of a grin there. When I was in the Wet Navy we had a way of telling between a fairy tale and a sea story. A fairy tale begins with "Once upon a time." A sea story begins with "Now this ain't no sh*t." The veracity is roughly equal in both.

Lord Iron Wolf
...recalling a few sea stories himself;)
In the army, they're called "There I wuz..." tales. "No shit. There I wuz. There must'a been a hunnerd of'em..." Of course, veracity content is inversely proportional to difference in length of service/time incountry between performer and audience. Plus minor variables for intoxicants/pollutants in use. I, of course, never indulge in such juvenile pasttimes. My stories are gospel truth.*

*Remember, I was an air traffic controller; the only enlisted men who are paid to think. We tell the officers/pilots where to go and how to get there. They disobey us at peril of court-martial!
(Really! It says so in the FARs [federal air regulations]!
Truly though, buy me beer and I will tell hours of stupid pilot stories. Hours.
Well, Spud, if they were Army, then they wouldn't really be "Pilot" stories, at all. :D

(AF Pilot (6yrs) and Air Liaison Officer (2.5yrs))
Oh-hoho, listen to the zoomie! Fritz, you should be aware that in 1967, the Army trained its controllers at Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS; thus I am painfully familiar with the short-comings of the junior service. Perhaps you are still sulking because the army had more aircraft than the air farce in those days, as well as more drivers/pilots/wobblies, call 'em what you will.

I found that most of my problems with pilots stemmed from the caste-like social structure of the military; all the ATC's are enlisted men, and all the pilots are officers, and they all know it.

Oh, and I frequently ran facilities that accommodated other service branches, including your former branch. No branch was without its, eh-less than sterling examples. (it's the Marines that woke me screaming in the night for years, though.)
Oh and P.S. when it came to crunch time, the USAF jumped in and helped organize transport for about thirty serious and critically wounded army troops in dreadful circumstances; in the best traditions of both services. Thank you.