205-2511 Gateway News Service- Marduk
Ashe Rao here on Marduk for the Gateway News Service. We have been granted an exclusive meeting with Commandante Luck who is the leader of one of the bands of insurgents who are self proclaimed “Freedom Fighters” attempting to run the Amaterasu forces out of their countries.
Rao: So Commandante, what made you start your fight?
Commandante Luck: Well, madam, we are just poor freedom fighters attempting to remove the rapacious Amaterasu forces who are killing our people, and attempting to crush us beneath their heel.
Rao: Some have called you a terrorist, what do you say to that?
Luck: Well, of course Amaterasu, which is renowned for its brutal and destructive occupation would say that. They are the ones who are rounding up our people, and treating our beloved Outer Slobbovia and New Podunk as occupied territory, violating the rights of Freedom Loving People everywhere!
Rao: But you are conducting a campaign of car bombs, assassinations, IEDs, which are killing those same people you are claiming to be trying to protect?
Luck: In war, eggs must be broken to make the omelet, a great general once said on Terra. We are sorry for the collateral damage, but they will be remembered as martyrs to the cause. We will erect statues to them after we throw out the Amaterasu occupiers.
Rao: I have been told that there is a price on your head by the Amaterasu Security Forces?
Luck: Yes, but they will never collect on that. I am here, I am there, I am EVERYWHERE!
Rao: Where are your funds and weapons coming from? Some say that you are just a puppet of New Drakkensburg.
Luck: Lies! Complete Lies! As for our funds, patriotic citizens have donated the money. As for the weapons, we have our sources, and we really wish that people would stop accusing those zealous and patriotic New Drakkensburg benefactors of having some sort of evil intent. They are patriots as well! Everyone knows that New Drakkensburg is there for the small guy, the oppressed, the weak, they are defenders of right and honor!
Rao: What about the ambush last week of the Amaterasu patrol where two vehicles were destroyed with complete loss of life? Is that not excessive? What about rumors that you and your command are getting rich on the donations that you have received?
Luck: Not if we want to win. Blood will flow until the invaders leave our sacred motherland! As for the other, it is completely false, lies, lies I tell you! I really have to go, we have an operation which will strike another blow for freedom, and we are planning it at the new beach house!
Asha Rao here, signing off from our meeting with Commandante Luck, leader of the Freedom fighters of Slobbovia.