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Old June 20th, 2011, 03:43 AM
Peter Schutze Peter Schutze is offline
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the thing that struck me was the dialog sentences with a ? at the end ..... your characters frequntly seem to answer a question with another question whereas a fullstop would work just fine

{quote} “You think at the inquiry they will fry our ass?” Tony looked up from the report.

“Hard to tell?” Stardin shrugged his shoulder and sat back.{end quote}

doesnt seem like Stardin is actually asking a question, even rhetorically

{quote}“Captain Luther had our evaluation in the computer before he was killed.” He slid it across the table. “He rated your performance as excellent. Mine however, is less than perfect?”
{end quote}

this may be rhetorical but it doesnt seem to be

overall though an interesting snippet
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