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The Cleon Memorial Library For discussion of Traveller fiction, both official and fan-written. Fan-written drafts are explicitly welcome.

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  #11  
Old December 1st, 2016, 10:34 AM
littleidio littleidio is offline
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This thread took a left turn didn't it?

You guys! With your ways!
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  #12  
Old December 1st, 2016, 09:38 PM
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Leitz Leitz is offline
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Originally Posted by littleidio View Post
This thread took a left turn didn't it?

You guys! With your ways!
Yup.

Now, back to the question. I don't know what good taste is, really, so I'm enlisting people to proof-read my work. Specifically, I'm pulling in parents of the age group I'm writing for. I really want to draw the line and take a couple big steps back away from it so parents feel safe with my writing.

That does not mean the scenes are bland, though. I try to get emotionally involved with the writing and face issues the tweens are facing now. In some ways it's not the subject but how you handle it. As I build emotion and back-story into each scene I want it to be felt more deeply than the last iteration.

Note that everyone in the scene is 12-13. Al is a girl and Wilbur is unconscious, Al's former boyfriend, and likely to die. Not from being Al's boyfriend though.

#####

The impact alarm went off. Jo looked at Mon’s hand in hers, looked at him, and blushed.

“Oh...uh...” Mon’s face turned as red as his hair.

Al laughed as she cradled Wilbur’s head and stroked his hair. “I formally suggest we formally agree that all things done and said in the face of impending gory missile death be formally forgotten and never talked about again. All in favor?”

“Aye!” Mon and Jo said.

“Wait.” Al looked down. Her lips brushed Wilbur's lightly and she sat back up. “Aye.” She whispered.
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Old December 1st, 2016, 09:42 PM
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I don't know what good taste is, really
what would you want your kids or younger sister to read.
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  #14  
Old December 2nd, 2016, 06:28 PM
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Leitz Leitz is offline
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what would you want your kids or younger sister to read.
Nyah, I'm an only child and my daughter is well into adulthood. :P
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