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The Cleon Memorial Library For discussion of Traveller fiction, both official and fan-written. Fan-written drafts are explicitly welcome.

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  #1  
Old January 9th, 2016, 10:25 AM
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Default Two new stories

Hope to get some feed back on these. I've got an editor looking at all of my mistakes in spelling, grammar and punctuation. I would love to hear how you like the stories themselves. "The Broken blades" and "A problem like Myra" And yes I'm on a sword worlder kick.

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Old January 11th, 2016, 06:40 PM
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Thumbs up 2 stories

Good stuff, you provide a believable and entertaining glimpse into one possible Sword World history.

Well done.

Lou
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Old January 11th, 2016, 07:58 PM
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Thanks. I actually have two more short stories in the same setting. I'm just trying to clean them up some more before I post them. The next one is kind of sad (but my wife loves it). I should have "The Huntress" up by the end of the week.
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Old January 14th, 2016, 04:42 AM
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I actually have two stories up. The second one is 3 times as large. So instead of just posting it after "The Broken Blades" I gave it 3 separate pages. One for each chapter. People seem to be missing it. It's "A problem like Myra". Look on the top of the page. Wordpress is harder to use then I had anticipated. I'm still getting the hang of it. Plus I'm sometimes a bit of an idiot.
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Old January 17th, 2016, 11:22 AM
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In case your editor misses these:

just to read how desperate are position really is
just to read how desperate our position really is

this time the Imperials are trying to make this a permeant annexation
this time the Imperials are trying to make this a permanent annexation

I rather enjoyed the story, A problem like Myra, the only thing that seems to be missing is why the attack on the shuttle and ground party, we were never given the goals of the attack.
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Old January 17th, 2016, 11:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by warwizard View Post
In case your editor misses these:

just to read how desperate are position really is
just to read how desperate our position really is

this time the Imperials are trying to make this a permeant annexation
this time the Imperials are trying to make this a permanent annexation

I rather enjoyed the story, A problem like Myra, the only thing that seems to be missing is why the attack on the shuttle and ground party, we were never given the goals of the attack.
Thanks for the input. I need all the help I can get!
I was going to put the reasons for the attack in another story. A local corsair group was going to try to kidnap the Vargr minister. But scrubbed the mission. Too much security. Myra didn't know that and attacked first. If the sword worlders hadn't opened fire they would have been allowed to leave peacefully.
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Old January 18th, 2016, 09:21 PM
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Default Another offering

Ok, I just put my third story up.
https://jrcliffordblog.wordpress.com/the-huntress/
All comments welcome.
Seriously, I've really appreciated the feed back I've gotten. Thanks !
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Old September 20th, 2016, 09:51 PM
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I read "The Broken Blades" the other day, not bad. Power scenes like world rulers are fun for me. I would suggest more dialogue; you have an intriguing situation that can stir some lively conversation. Describe less; fewer words with more power.

Looking forward to reading more of your writing later this week. It's well past my nappy time.
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Old October 3rd, 2016, 04:51 PM
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Thanks. One of the reasons this story in particular, has a lot of exposition is that I had originally planned to use it as the prolog of a novel. And I have the dialog pretty low key because I always pictured the sword worlders that way. Low key, taciturn. At least until they go berserk and whip out the axes and broadswords!
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Old November 6th, 2016, 04:07 AM
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Thumbs up

Brilliant read! and your doing really well. All the input here should do the job, i couldn't even see some of the mistakes

Thanks for sharing
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