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Old August 23rd, 2017, 07:06 PM
Keklas Rekobah Keklas Rekobah is offline
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Default Alien World Problems.

Alien-World Problems, also known as "E.T. Whines", are frustrations and complaints that are only experienced by members of technologically advanced extra-terrestrial civilizations. Here are 20 examples.

Earth people refuse to to even try to comprehend your native language, no matter how loudly or slowly you speak it.

It frustrates you to no end that Earth's Internet is slower and provides less information than your cortical implant would if it was connected to the global network on your homeworld.

It is impossible to obtain any food or drink on Earth that you've grown accustomed to consuming on your homeworld.

The only Earth species that resembles your own is kept as pets and trained to beg, fetch, play dead, and growl at strangers.

Those pesky Earth people won't accept your native currency.

Those pesky Earth people won't allow you to carry your disintegrator in public.

Those pesky Earth people won't stop trying to steal your superior technology.

You ask to meet with the "Being In Charge", only to be introduce to another pesky Earth person.

You build a state-of-the-art death star, only to watch some farmboy blow it up by firing a torpedo down its only exhaust port.

You don't understand why something so small and shallow as the Grand Canyon seems so impressive to Earth people.

You miss the comfort of regenerative treatments on your homeworld, while being appalled at the thought of having to undergo invasive surgery on Earth.

You quietly emigrate to Earth to escape family obligations, only to be outed by an emissary from your government, who insists that you must return home and ascend the throne due to your late father's passing.

You think that Earth people should not have let their archeological sites fall into ruins.

You think that Earth's public nature preserves should be more developed and domed over; with slidewalks, controlled weather, and more animatronic creatures than live ones.

You think that nothing can spoil a vacation on Earth more than having to interact with those pesky Earth people.

You travel hundreds of light-years to steal Earth's resources, only to have your entire invasion fleet disabled by an Earth-made computer virus.

You travel billions of miles from Mars to conquer Earth for its resources, only to have your entire invasion fleet disabled by the common cold virus.

Your butler-droid's batteries go dead, and you can't find a compatible power source anywhere on Earth.

Your civilization has allegedly developed a doomsday weapon that keeps all other civilizations at bay, only to have those pesky Earth people announce to everyone that your 'weapon' is merely an elaborately-constructed lie.

Your parents ship you off to Earth just before your homeworld explodes, and you now feel obligated to spend the rest of your days defending Earth and its people from every conceivable threat.

Can you come up with more?
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